An indomitable force shaping the narrative of human existence, failure stands as a testament to our capacity for growth, resilience, and transformation. While society tends to glorify our successes, it is within our failures that we find true learning and self-discovery. Failure, in all its complexity, demands our attention and introspection—it is from within the shadows of our shortcomings that the seeds of triumph are sown.

Growth Mindset
Michael Jordan, arguably the best basketball player who has ever lived, has always embraced the growth mindset. Most successful people do. In high school, being cut from the basketball team served as motivation for Jordan, who has said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Remember learning to ride a bike? If we fell, we just got up and tried again. Far worse than failure is being held hostage by the fear of failure. If this vicious cycle starts, if we stop taking risks, if we become less inclined to stretch ourselves, if we internalize the identity of a victim, these defeatist energies derail us from dominion over our own lives. Since people tend to view us as we view ourselves—erroneous self-doubt may influence how others perceive us—reinforcing a life of stunted growth.

Be an Example
Children constantly learn from their father’s example. The way we respond to loss will influence how they will be inclined to respond in similar situations. In our win-at-all-costs world, we’re vulnerable to the tyranny of unreasonable expectations we set for ourselves. Especially in the presence of our children, let’s manage stress and disappointment with self-respect and maturity. By having a healthy attitude towards failure and adversity, we teach children how to manage themselves when things don’t go their way.

Share Our Experience with Failure
Failure is part of the human condition. By sharing stories about our failures, we can help children learn to accept failure more gracefully, instilling in them that each failure is an opportunity to learn. Then, when we try again, we can do so more intelligently.

It’s OK to Fail
Failure isn’t some Big Bad Wolf—it is just a part of life. While it is important to teach children to do their very best, focus on effort, not ability. Don’t criticize failure. Don’t compare their failure with another child’s success. When children share their feelings, listen without prejudice. If tough feedback is warranted, consider how our words of wisdom might be received so we can respectfully deliver the most impactful possible message. Rather than judging them for failure, share unconditional support.

Many extremely successful people across history have failed miserably—and repeatedly. With faith and conviction, many of these same people later rose to glory. Every failure is accompanied by a learning lesson—such as where we must stretch ourselves if we want to rise above. When children fail, celebrate them in the lesson learned and support them in their resilience.

Know the Difference Between “I failed” and “I am a failure.”
By choosing not to rise after a defeat, a small piece of us inside can break. Fathers should help children understand that “I failed,” is temporary and totally okay. When children fail, don’t allow them to say, “I’m a failure.” Remove any messaging that pollutes self-confidence with self-doubt. Be mindful of word choice; the things we say about ourselves tend to become our reality.

Summary
Henry Ford said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Failure isn’t a step backward; it’s learning about an obstacle to be overcome. When children come up short, and fathers still praise hard work and effort, we encourage them to repurpose lessons learned as inspiration for next time.

“Jeremiah, say to the people, ‘This is what the Lord says: “When people fall down, don’t they get up again? When they discover they’re on the wrong road, don’t they turn back?” —Jeremiah 8:4 NLT