Before pointing fingers and placing blame, let’s be completely honest with ourselves. Get up close and personal with the attitudes and behaviors in OUR mirror to reflect on what we may or may not have done that has breathed life into commotion for ourselves and spectacle for our family. Is there anything WE can do today, to minimize baby momma drama?

Possible Causes
Before we can make things right, we must understand the cause(s) of the brokenness in our family. Remember, having both self-respect and respect for their mother are equally important. Does mom have a vendetta due to feeling wronged in the romantic relationship? Does mom have a few screws loose and/or believe that dad doesn’t deserve to be happy in a different romantic relationship? Does mom feel she bears an unfair share of the responsibilities for raising the children and resent the sacrifices she’s made as the custodial parent? Is there anything at all that we can do to show respect and make peace?

High levels of toxicity might drive mom to repurpose children as tools to exert power or inflict punishment. Some people derive great pleasure in forcing others to and beyond their boiling point, deliberately taking actions that cause anger, anxiety, and emptiness. There is always at least one reason for baby momma drama—by understanding her why—we might be able to take the initiative, extend an olive branch, and start the healing process.

Managing Baby Momma Drama
We might not feel like it, but we must have a positive attitude towards mom. As leaders of our own lives, we must consistently demonstrate respect, never fueling the fire of discontent. No matter how we feel, our children need both of their parents; our love for them should always trump petty squabbling. If mom is working to ruin the relationship we share with our children or undermining our authority with them, lead with love, and don’t lose hope.

Don’t talk badly about mom in front of the children. Don’t put the kids in the middle. These kinds of immature reactions can cause children direct and indirect pain from the tug-of-war of conflicting loyalties. No child should ever be guilted for loving a parent. Remember, we can sometimes discourage petty and antagonistic behaviors just by ignoring them. Remain 100% committed, in our minds, hearts, and souls to being the positive, grounded, and actively engaged father that our children need. We must do whatever it takes.

If possible, reflect on the lens through which we see things. Ongoing baby momma drama may have both parents blindly enraged—which doesn’t help anyone—least of all our children. No matter what the reasons are for fighting, is there a way to reset, put the past in the past, and sit down, not as opponents, but as the two most important people in a child’s life joining forces on the same team, at the same side of the negotiating table? How can we better accommodate each other? What sacrifices can we make to put the children first? Can we hire a reputable co-parenting mediator so we can meet—both individually and as a team—to work towards finding common ground? Mediation can be a great resource for helping calm turbulence as storm after storm threaten to capsize the ship carrying our children.

With texts, emails, and phone calls, keep the conversation focused on basic details, such as time and location of pick-ups and drop-offs. Avoid topics outside of basic information exchange; lengthy conversations may bring up old arguments or tempt her to make imaginary complaints. Always show respect and keep clear boundaries.

Sometimes, baby momma drama deems normal approaches to co-parenting completely ineffective. If mom is consistently late for pick-ups and drop-offs, if she makes disparaging remarks about us to our children, if she is intent on erasing us from the children’s lives, we can appeal to the family court system. In a perfect world, the function of family court is to protect children’s best interests. Unfortunately, family court can be very expensive. Some court systems have been infiltrated by corruption and quid-pro-quo relationships to fan the flames of hourly pay. Although many people assume that mothers have more custody rights than fathers, no custody laws in the U.S. give mothers preferential or additional custody rights. Then again, many archaic rulings are made in family court by judges who interpret the law with their own subjective twist. Beware of family court—it can be an expensive minefield—especially for fathers.

Our Family Wizard
The Our Family Wizard SmartPhone App is designed to simplify communication, helping co-parents manage schedules, track expenses, share files, send secure messages, and stay on the same page.

Summary
It’s important to remain focused on our primary responsibility: being the best father we can be. If we know or can better understand why mom isn’t congenial towards us, we may be able to modify our attitudes and behaviors in hopes of sharing a more amenable co-parenting relationship. If reason and logical thinking remain elusive, we can hire a co-parenting mediator or even bring the matter before the family court. Regardless, our children need us, they need their mother, and we should do whatever it takes to ensure they have plenty of access to both parents. SmartPhone Apps such as Our Family Wizard have been designed with the goal of simplifying communication, minimizing emotional turmoil, and allowing parents to focus on what matters most—the children.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” —Romans 8:28 KJV